Valentine’s Day Carryover. Of course: during February I’ve been thinking about Twin Flames and Soulmates. The catalyst? A Valentine’s Day pitch I came across, to all un-partnered people everywhere:  “Become your own soulmate!” As it often happens with me,  things like this enter my mind and float around. Questions start to drift in. This is how most of my Posts are born. It’s only later — sometimes a day or two —that I realize what’s really prompting me to write. In this case, the Ah-Hah that Self-Love is the soil that every other kind of love grows best in.

A Soulmate is NOT a Twin Flame. I only know this from a bit of reading: the terms ‘Twin Flame’ and ‘Soulmate’ aren’t synonymous. Turns out, my twin flame is a Being I was separated from, as we were both floating around the cosmos. My sense of longing to re-connect apparently drives much of what I think, feel and do. Makes sense. My soulmate, on the other hand, is any Being that enters my life at a specific time, for a specific (beneficial) purpose. Esoteric, but I’m generally open to these types of concepts. Why not?

A Soulmate might feel like True Love. Some people can mistake a soulmate for a twin flame, believing that the former offers potential for a long-term, romantic relationship. I can relate. I love it when someone really “gets” me. I feel relaxed and at my best, around him. I can think of two men, soulmates for sure, that I fell deeply in love with. Both arrived right when I needed them. Both were super-supportive in every way that I needed. Even after we parted, I remained very close to both guys; not the usual end to passionate romance. A soulmate can feel like a really good friend. It’s confusing as hell when it becomes obvious he’s not going to be your life partner.

The Soulmate Within. So, according to conventional wisdom, soulmates slip in and out of our lives. Secret agents and Guardian Angels. But among those who’ve written books and offered guidance about The Soulmate Experience, there’s another, more interesting perspective. A soulmate isn’t a person who enters my life aligned to my needs, and with perfect timing. My soulmate is actually my own inner being. My intuitive self. My conscience; instinctive knowing and gut-feeling. Author Alana Fairchild tells me that my soulmate is really my Sacred Soul Sister:  “…the part of you that you cannot see with the conscious mind.” Always with me, she’s the inner guidance system keeping me on course towards my life purpose; if I allow her to. No wonder guides and healers say, “All you have to do is get out of your own way.”

Getting out of my own way. I’ve lived through moments of self-sabotage (the Imposter Syndrome) at work and in love; as well as through many self-limiting behaviors (negative self-talk). Intellectually, I ‘get’ what I do to myself, day to day. But, exactly why do I get in my own way? That’s the more important question. One of my go-to guides —  poet, philosopher and teacher Rumi – says that it’s all about feeling disconnected from Love. In this case, Self-Love. Feeling worthy of all of the good stuff that Life has to offer. But “becoming my own soulmate” (I knew this exploration was about more than Valentine’s Day spiel) doesn’t mean practicing positive affirmations and amping-up self-care.

Listening for what really matters. I feel distracted and often overwhelmed by the “noise” of The World. Now, more than ever, I need reminders of what I can do to strengthen myself. Author Alana Fairchild describes her own process of re-connecting with (becoming her own) soulmate. She ultimately recognized sounds and rhythms as ancient and primal as a mother’s beating heart is to her unborn child:

“Once, some time ago, I was deaf. I had not heard one true sound…noise, but no truth; I believed in many things not worth believing in. Then…a moment of crisis cracked my heart open; and though fearful and confused, I knew I’d been given a gift. The ability to hear and recognize the beating heart of the universe. We are all animated by this heartbeat:  you, me; the planet; the birds and the fish; it pumps life through our veins! What other proof do you need that you are worthy ?” Read more on this topic in The Mysteries of Love and Hoping for ‘Happily Ever-After’? Go for it!

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